Blessing


I am thinking hardly what I had done wrong last year until I am being tested with this really hard situation . And then I realize this one thing . Blessing . Have you ever heard of it ? Back then in my school , my teachers always play with this 'blessing' matter . Well , can't agree more . This thing is damn important especially for us , human being .

Blessing from teachers , friends , parents and of course blessing from Him . They are all we need to be success in our life . After thinking deeply about my life in college before , I did (maybe) get all the three blessing but not from Him . Why ? Before that , I have no intention to talk bad about someone but this is just a reminder for you and also for me . Eheh .

So in college , I lived with my roommates . There were 4 persons including me in one room . My other 2 roommates were okay but not this one . As I was living 9 months with her , I rarely saw her praying . Well as Muslims , it is our obligation to pray 5 times a day . At first I didn't notice much about her but after a few months , her attitude became obvious to me . Whenever I asked her to pray , she would say that she was on her period . Okay . But then it was almost one month . How can she got period that long . Kan ?

Days and months went by and we got really close . Not that close but we used to have a good time together . Furthermore , she was my bed mate . She slept beside me that 9 months . Every night before we got to sleep , she will read me a lullaby . How sweet of her , kan ? But every morning , when we had to perform our Subuh prayer , I faced with this situation . I woke her up but she didn't want to wake up .

My other roommates had also tried to wake her up but we failed and we will end up let her sleep till 8 o'clock (if she had class at 0830) . Yeah , I knew . I supposed to wake her up until she really woke up but I didn't have the gut to do so . How coward was I , right ? Until today I don't even know why I am too afraid of her . Afraid of being mad by her ? (maybe because she is that strong)

However , she was doing very well on her studies . Among four of us , she was the one who passed the TOEFL with a try but we had to take it a couple of time . Is it istidraj ? Well , I don't know how to answer that . Based on what I observed , yeah , we lacked of His blessing there . We let our roommate ignored His command . We easily gave up on her . We were also too afraid that she might scold us back . Among three of us , I was the one who affected the most because she slept beside me and she was quite close to me . So I had the biggest responsibility to make sure she did her obligation as Muslim .

Do you get what I really want to tell you ?
Just one thing . If you see someone is wrong , do warn him/ her or else you will be the one who will receive the consequence because you let something wrong happen right in front of you . Yeah , and don't be afraid of him/her . They are just a human being , like us . You should afraid of Him more than anything . If you really love your friends , bring him/her to the right path so all of us can enjoy the paradise . ;)


Cinta Anjingan


Aku tengah lapar sebenarnya  Perut ni dari tadi asyik berbunyi minta diisi . Namun apakan daya , hari sudah lewat malam dan sepertinya tiada makanan di dapur . Hmmm . Hahahaha . Acah nak tulis gaya novelis . Pada malam yang hening ini izinkan aku bercerita sedikit . Ecehh . Tak , tak paksa pun baca . Taknak baca boleh skip entri ni . Eheh .

Move on . Bergerak kehadapan . Memang , senang untuk diucap tetapi untuk melakukannya , sungguh ia mengambil masa . Lebih - lebih lagi apabila ia melibatkan seseorang yang pernah datang , buat kau gembira .Ya , aku sedar aku masih mentah untuk berbicara soal ini tapi aku sekadar ingin berkongsi , meluahkan rasa yang terpendam setelah beberapa tahun . Okay tak , setahun lebih je .

Sedang aku melayari laman sosial , tangan aku gatal membuka profilnya . Sudah banyak kali kawan aku pesan , sudah , hentikan . Namun aku degil , tidak mahu mendengar kata . Dan akhirnya aku yang terkesan dengan kedegilan aku itu , Melihat gambarnya bersama seorang wanita , sungguh buat aku terkesima . Sakit .

Ya , dia telah berjaya buat aku gembira suatu ketika dahulu . Bermula sebagai rakan sekelas , mentee dan akhirnya berkawan rapat . Ketika itu aku masih dibangku sekolah dan sebenarnya tidak layak untuk berperasaan sebegini . Apa orang putih kata ? Puppy love . Ya , anjingan ini semua . Selama 2 tahun aku rapat dengan dia, segalanya dikongsi bersama . Okay tak . Aku masih bersekolah waktu itu dan tidak melakukan perkara di luar tabii . Paling jahat aku pernah buat dating belakang kelas , jalan sama-sama balik asrama .

Aku sedar aku masih pelajar , di sekolah berasrama penuh lagi . Segalanya diperhatikan , dipantau . Dalam erti kata lain , nak buat crime , kena pandai cover . Setiap malam , bergayut cerita entah apa , mesej 24/7 . Apabila difikirkan semula , aku korbankan masa , duit demi kebahagiaan yang sementara . What's the point ? Tapi walau bagaimanapun aku bersyukur kerana pelajaran aku tidak terjejas akibat terjebak dalam cinta anjing ni . Mungkin ini yang dipanggil istidraj . Masih mendapat nikmat walaupun ingkar perintahNya .

Setahun dan kami perlu berpisah . Aku mendapat tempat di sebuah sekolah yang lebih bagus manakala dia perlu keluar dari sekolah itu dek kerana keputusan peperiksaan yang tidak memuaskan . Maka bermulalah episod berjauhan kami . Hari berganti minggu , bulan dan tahun . Lama kelamaan dia mulai bosan dengan semua ini . Apabila sesuatu perhubungan dilakukan atas sebab yang tidak diredhai , maka beginilah jadinya . Berpisah atas sebab bosan ? Sungguh alasan yang tidak boleh dipakai . Apa kata orang , habis madu sepah dibuang .

Aku masih ingat lagi . Seminggu sebelum peperiksaan percubaan SPM , dia pergi tanpa pesan . Meninggalkan aku terumbang ambing . Sungguh emosi aku tidak stabil ditambah lagi dengan peperiksaan yang bakal tiba . Aku tidak boleh fokus . Berbekalkan semangat dan sokongan daripada rakan-rakan sekeliling , aku mampu menepis sifat kekecewaan ini dan mampu melakukan dengan baik dalam percubaan . Ya , aku masih belum move on lagi waktu ni .

Selepas beberapa ketika , dia mula mencari aku semula . Meminta maaf atas segalanya . Tapi aku tidak sebodoh itu , walaupun aku masih mahukan dia , aku tidak akan sekali kali kembali padanya . Jadi aku membuat keputusan untuk masih tetap berkawan , berhubung bila perlu dengannya sehinggalah ke alam universiti . Sudah lebih setengah tahun dan aku masih belum move on .

Suatu malam , dia telefon untuk menceritakan tentang kekasih barunya di universiti . Aku hanya mampu mendengar walaupun dalam hati ni sungguh meledak , kebabooom . Aku hanya mengiyakan dan semoga berbahagialah dikau dengannya . Seminggu kemudian , dia telefon lagi . Kali ini dia menceritakan kecurangan yang dilakukan oleh kekasihnya . Bibir mengucapkan kasihan tetapi hati aku tergelak puas . Baru kau tahu bagaimana rasanya dikecewakan , ditambah lagi apabila mendapat tahu bahawa kekasih kau berlaku curang secara terang-terangan . Lebih sakit bukan ?

Setahun berlalu dan aku masih belum move on . Ya , aku masih mengharapkannya . Bukan aku tidak mahu untuk move on tetapi setiap kali aku mengambil langkah , dia akan datang semula , memberi harapan baru . Tidak , bukan baru tetapi palsu . Aku masih naif . Salah aku ke kerana mempercayai harapan itu ?

Mendapat khabar bahawa dia sudah pun berpindah ke universiti lain kerana tidak mampu meneruskan pengajian dalam bidang yang diambil sebelumya , aku hanya memerhati . Sehingga suatu malam , setelah sekian lama dia menyepikan diri , aku mendapat panggilan telefon darinya . Jujur , aku gembira bercampur teruja . Aku sangkakan dia hanya ingin berbual kosong seperti yang sering dilakukan tetapi sangkaan aku meleset .

Dia berbicara mengenai wanita yang baru ditemuinya . Rakan sekelasnya juga . Apa yang membakar hati aku ialah soalan yang diajukan olehnya . Tips untuk memikat wanita ? Aku masih terima apabila soalan tersebut diajukan . What's really broke my heart was when he asked me how did he wooed me before this like he was trying to throw back all of our memories to woo that girl . It hurt me so badly . He was trying to apply the same ways to get that woman and I was like . The hell was going on . He was acting like I have no feeling , I am not hurt at all . Hey , come on , it was a common sense . How could you ask your ex about this .

Begini rupanya Dia menyedarkan aku untuk terus tidak memikirkan apatah lagi mengharapkan manusia yang bukan jodoh aku . Ya , sakit memang sakit tetapi aku percaya kesakitan ini akan diubati tidak lama lagi . Dan sejak itu aku tekad untuk move on secara keseluruhan . Untuk apa aku mengharapkan sesuatu daripada cinta anjing ini . Aku yakin akan tiba suatu masa Dia pasti temukan aku dengan seseorang yang tidak aku sangkakan . Cuma satu syarat , yakin dengan segala aturanNya . Juga doa yang berterusan agar dipertemukan dengan seseorang yang boleh membimbing ke jalan yang benar . Ya , kejar dulu cita-cita kau , gapai segala kejayaan dan tentunya kukuhkan dahulu cinta kau kepadaNYa . Pada masa yang tepat , akan hadir seorang insan untuk kau . Just on the right time .
Have faith :)

TAMAT

Wahhh . How incredible I am to type this long story . A round of applause for me . Eheh . This story is just a design (?) story , nothing to do with anyone . That's why I didn't put any names on it . Take a lesson from this . Ehh jap . Are there any lessons here ? Hmm . 

You Inspired Me


Before I start , here is something for you to think about


At first when I found this on Facebook , I was like 

" Is there anybody who wants to be like me ? "
  
It was quite long for me to think about this like I was thinking of a serious world's problem . Haha . Suddenly , there was a Whatsapp coming . It was from my junior , a long long time junior from my elementary school . Quite shocking kan how can we still keep in contact after many years passed by . As he is waiting for his SPM's result , he asked me for some advice to go through the college life . Welcome to the real world boy . Eheh . 

So I told him my story . How I went through my college life , the hardships , surrounding situation and also some tips to stay strong even though I am not that strong enough to endure all this . Hehehe . Well , we have to give a good support to our juniors so they can think positively and be brave to face all the possibilities in the future . How good am I , right ? 


I asked him to do his best on his college life . I also asked him to not be like me , who had left a year behind my batch mate . And his respond was quite shocking . At last he was the one who advice me back . Hahaha . 

What I want to bring up here is that ,  
Yeah , YOU ARE INSPIRING . 
No matter how small your deed , how small your success is , there is someone . there will always be someone who wants to be like you . It doesn't matter how many times you failed , how many times you had been rejected , the ways you resisted all that make them adore you . Your sisters , your brothers , your juniors , your cousins , there will be someone who wants to be just like you without you even realize it . 

Before you give up , think again . Someone is watching you dude . Don't disappoint him/her . 

Hey you , 
YOU INSPIRED ME :)



Great Love


So I was called to talk about this movie after I watched it yesterday as I think this movie is really worth to share . Before that , I am not a Bollywood or Hindustan fanatic . I barely watch this type of movie but after I watched Dilwale , this feeling to like Bollywood was growing slowly inside me like a watermelon spreading it root to the pole . Hahaha . What kind of analogy is this ?

Here is a little synopsis for this Bajrangi Bhaijaan movie . There is one adorable girl , a six-year-old girl , who is mute from Pakistan , named Syahida . One day , her mother brought her to India to cure her muteness . On their way to India , the train , which they rode was broken in the middle of the night . It was a silent night and all the passengers were sounded asleep when Syahida came down from the train to help a calf by the railway . To be short , she was left by the train and was separated from her mother . In India , she met this one guy who is very kind called Bhaijaan . Bhaijaan's future father in law didn't like stranger with different religion to stay with them so he asked Bhaijaan to bring that girl home to Pakistan . Pakistan and India had a little crisis at that time and it was really hard for Bhaijaan to bring Syahida home . There are lots of obstacles that Bhaijaan and a reporter went through to bring Syahida home to Pakistan . Did they succeed to bring Syahida home ?
Hahaha . Don't want to tell you much . Well , I am not a spoiler . You should watch by yourself .

From this movie I did learn a lot but I just want to focus on this one thing . LOVE . Why ? Well as we all know love is abstract . Every persons have their own way to express their love . We also have our own definition of this . From what I learnt from this movie , the love of Bhaijaan towards a little girl , Syahida was very rare . They were strangers , they had different religion , they were also from different nation but still because of love , Bhaijaan willed to face all the obstacles to bring Syahida home. And because of their love , the crisis between Pakistan and India was solved . Can you imagine ? A little girl and an honest guy managed to bring their nations to peace because of their love . What a very great love , isn't it ?

You should watch this and I guarantee that you will never regret it . Ouh yeaa , do bring tissues along with you while watching this because your tears will come out in no matter time . Enjoy :)

Image result for bajrangi bhaijaan




That Girl Tho


While I was scrolling my facebook , my eyes were glued to a post about my friend . After a while I didn't hear from her , her mother did post pictures about her departure to somewhere in States . What really make me want to talk about her is about her success . What success ?
Haaaa , meh dengar cek nak cita naaaaa .

Okay . Let me call her H to make it easier for me to tell the story . She was once my classmate in college . She is a silent , introvert , shy , not mixing well type of girl . Back then before we entered the college , there was interview for us . While waiting for my turn to be interviewed by the panels , we had to wait in a hall . At that time , my friends were not there with me because I was in a separate hall with them and I was a loner there . Trying not to be awkward , I tried to become friendly . She , H was sitting beside me . I took the chance to talk to her , well tried to be friendly . After talking to her for the first time , my first impression was , ' She couldn't make it' . The interview of course because she is ... I don't even know to explain this . Well it was just my first impression after some words I talked to her . But I judged to early .

Guess what ? She managed to pass the interview and became my classmate . Woahh . At first I didn't notice her much because she is such a shy girl . After a few weeks , I barely knew her because she was my classmate , and I got shocked at first because she managed to pass this . She did it . Days , weeks , months passed and we , my classmates were getting well together . But not her . She likes to be alone . Going to class alone , going to DS alone , everywhere alone . As classmates , we tried to get her along with us . Me too . I tried to talk to her , eat with her , walk with her but still , I couldn't . Till one day , I asked her ,

" Kenapa taknak masuk dengan kitaorg ?"
" Aku susah nak masuk dengan orang . Waktu aku kat sekolah dulu pun , 2 tahun baru aku boleh masuk dengan geng aku , waktu dah nak habis form 5 "

I only nod and smile . In class also , she was very passive . Well I was one of the passive student but then I still socialized with people but not her . She was strongly passive . Less socialized , loved to be alone .

During our TOEFL , she was also once a repeater like me . She didn't manage to pass that 90 just like me . But she managed to do it on her second attempt with TOEFL . Exactly 90 . To be honest , I really disbelieved at that time . My lecturer also . She once told me that she didn't expect that H could pass this exam . She was also shocked . With disbelieved , I came to her and asked about her marks on every sections .

Reading   : 28/30
Listening : 29/30

I just wowowowowoowowow . That was so high . Really high . Even though she didn't do well on her speaking and writing but with those high marks on that two sections , she managed to pass the requirement , that 90 . My eyes were bigger , my mouth was widely open . I do proud of her . Really proud .

Only then I remembered what my lecturer once told me about this .

Image result for focus on your strengths not your weaknesses

At first I was not sure about that because in my opinion , to get a good mark , we have to be good on every sections even on our weakness . We have to enhance our weakness . But then her achievement really opened my mind .

What I really want to tell are :
Firstly ,
We shouldn't judge anyone without knowing them well .
Secondly ,
Don't look down on other people .
Thirdly ,
Be humble .
Last but the most important ,
We have to focus more on what we are good at . Improve on that and you will get your success . Your weakness will be covered by your strength . Believe in you , yourself . Okay ? ;)


Image result for focus on your strengths not your weaknesses


Clearing Statement (?)


Okay lah , My bad sebab tak bagi detailed reasons on my previous entry about why I don't want to fly sampai semua orang dok tanya lagi .

Kenapa ? 
Dah fikir habis-habis ke nih ? 
Kau biar betul ?
Ehhh kau , baik kau fikir balik . Bukan senang weyh  . 

Pernah dengar tak quotes nih ?


Okay now , read my reasons first , then it's up to you guys nak judge macam mana sekalipun . 
I don't even care :)

MAIN REASON : Lulus bersyarat

I had wrote on the previous entry that our appeal is accepted with a condition . Satu je syarat dia tapi syarat yang satu itulah yang membuatkan aku berfikir beribu berjuta kali nak buat keputusan . Jadi syaratnya ialah kami boleh fly tetapi perlu membayar semula pinjaman sebanyak 100% semasa 2 tahun berada di Community College . 

" Alah , pedehal . Bayar jelah balik ."  

Cakap memang senang . Kan ?

So let's make this thing clear . 
Firstly , kalau ikut agreement asal , at most kitaorg kena bayar dalam 20%-25% for the whole 4 years kat States daripada total amount of loan . Tetapi disebabkan kami ini budak rayuan maka , perjanjian ini diubah yang mana kami perlu membayar semula 100% pinjaman sepanjang 2 tahun di Community College, tambah , tolak , darab , bahagi , algebra semua keluar bersamaan dengan +/-RM 200k . Selebihnya baki 2 tahun di universiti , kami boleh mengikut semula perjanjian asal yang mana pinjaman perlu dibayar semula mengikut nilai CGPA . 
Haaa , faham tak ? In short , hutang banyak nak kena bayar in the future .

" Sesuailah tuh . Budak rayuan kan . Berkorbanlah sikit ." 

Bukan nak merungut , tapi cohort sebelum nih , walaupun budak rayuan , mereka masih menggunakan perjanjian asal tanpa sebarang syarat tambahan . It's a little bit unfair lah for me and I don't think that even worth it . Jika pinjaman sepanjang dua tahun sudah mencecah RM 200k ditambah lagi 2 tahun di universiti maka jumlahnya juga akan bertambah bukan ? 
Ayuhlah kita berfikir jauh sedikit ke masa hadapan . 
Baru sahaja menghabiskan pengajian , kamu sudah dibebani hutang pengajian yang banyak . Seterusnya kamu bakal membuat pinjaman lain seperti pinjaman perumahan juga kenderaan , Dihitung semula , keliling pinggang hutang tuh entah sampai berapa kerturunan tak habis bayar .

" Alah , masa depan nanti , 200k tuh macam 200 je weyhh."
" Dah habis belajar nanti , kau minta lah diskaun ."
" Nanti kau dah habis belajar , mesti gaji kau besar , boleh bayar semua tuh ."

Well , I am just preparing for the worst . RM 200k is not a small amount bro . You can get 2 cars with that amount of money , cash . 

Other reasons ? Banyak sebenarnya . One of them is , well , I am the only one who will take major in finance while most of the rayuan students will further on engineering . Later while I am studying , there will be no person to discuss with me . I mean , the person who has the same major and also same nation to study . Hahahaha , Okay , this is a weak reason but then seriously I can't study alone . I need at least  a companion , who can understand me, so that I can study happily . Eheh

Well , my parents also do support my decision to study locally . My mom said that it will be easy for her to look out for me , to watch my progress and so on . I am not that pampered child but then , well my mom loves me . Pehal ? Jealous ? Hahahahaha .

Nak keluarkan sebab-sebab lain , sampai kesudah tak habis . Penatlah nak taip . Now , it's up to you guys to judge all this . I am tired already . I just decided what I think the best for me and also for my future . Do replace my shoes , so that you can know how does it feels being here , where you are between  ? Haaa , tak tahu dah nak kata apa . 

Before the end , okay ini dari sudut perspektif aku . Tak semua sependapat dengan aku . Ada jugak budak rayuan lain yang sanggup terima syarat tersebut . Diri masing-masing . Walau apapun decision kitaorg , do support us kay ? Eheh . 


2016 : A New Start


In a couple of minutes , 7th day of 2016 will start . What ? Feeling like just yesterday you celebrated New Year with all the fireworks and stuffs ? Sorry , I am not into them . I don't celebrate New Year , I mean I don't even bother to watch the fireworks . Back then , pernahlah kot , excited nak tengok fireworks , well typical kids , now I am a grown up man . Those fireworks were just like a piece of sheet . serius bajet nak mati 

2016 was not started pretty well . Why ? It was only the beginning and I have to make a serious , big decision regarding to my future . Pretty hard , damn stress , I am crying plus dying at the same time . Hahaha . Okay tak , tipu jeh , Eheh .

Let's make this thing clear . I managed to further my study somewhere in USA but then I don't want to .

Kenapa ?
Peluang depan mata kot .
Serius ahh kau tak nak pergi ? "

First of all , hear me out kay ? Do judge after you read this .

At first , our appeal was rejected , but then it was approved . Yeayyyy . It was conditionally approved . After hardly discussing , I accepted the condition . But then , the HQ said that the possibility for us to fly early is very thin . We might have to fly on fall , which is about August / September . At that moment , I was like .... It is better for me to stay here , study locally . So I decided to study locally . I was determined to study locally without regretting my decision . But then , the very latest news said that we can fly at the end of March .

This was the hardest time for me . I was uncertain . To stay locally or study abroad . Istikharah semua dah , I was out with this decision , STAY . I told my mom about this , about my decision , Alhamdulillah , she respected it. She also said that it is better if I study locally as it will be easier for her to look up for me . Nampak kan , manja sungguh . Eheh .

Why did I enter this program if at the end I would choose to study locally ?
Eheh . Nice question . Well , everyone will go through this situation , which you will go through a wrong path . It is not actually a wrong path but it is a path that will teach you a very valuable lesson . My journey all the way last year , my entire nine months in the college was actually a lesson for me . I called it A LESSON YEAR . I learnt from my mistakes , fixed them and try not to repeat them again in the future .

Don't I feel regret ?
There's no point for me to regret . In fact , I am very glad that I had been there , going through all the hardship with my lovely friends . My entire nine months in the college had actually grown a much stronger me .

My future plan ?
Start a new life again from zero as an SPM leaver yet a stronger SPM leaver . Eheh .
I might be late a year from my batch but do I care ?
As long as I have the spirit . Yeah , learning is a lifetime process .

start

Don't need much just prayers from you guys so that I can easily further my study locally .
Do pray that I will be accepted to IPG and also IPTA soon  :)

Last but not least ,