Tough Questions


Tiba-tiba rasa nak menaip pula petang-petang nih. Nak sambung cerita last entry but then I don't have any mood to talk about that right now. How it continues ? Nanti-nanti lah I update lain. Hahaha.  Let me tell you another story yang berkait juga dengan entry sebelum.

I love to socialize, meet people, talk to them but then since I have 'failed' in my program, I became awkward to go outside. Why ? I am afraid if  I meet people, especially my relatives, the aunties, the uncles will definitely ask me this one question.

" Belajar kat mana sekarang ? "

Damn. I actually don't know how to answer this question. Haha. And if they know I was making a preparation to study oversea, they will ask,

" Bila nak fly ? "

That two questions actually were the hardest questions to be answered by me. Entahlah. I don't even know why but I think, I had made a big failure which then make my parents feel ashamed, Faham tak ? Yeah, I realized, that was also my fault. My fault because I don't study hard ? Sorry mak, ayah. :(

One of my friend, which has the same fate as me, (budak rayuan gak) threw this question through our whatsapp group.

" Jahat sangat ke kita? "

Well, sometimes I do feel like that. Jahat sangat ke kami sampai pihak M*** rejected our appeals ? Bukan nak bandingkan this cohort dengan cohort yang lepas, but then it seems unfair. UNFAIR. Why the appeals of the other two cohorts being accepted but NOT ours ? One of our advisers, nama dirahsiakan  told us that we shouldn't compare our cohort with the last cohorts because we are not the same. Now my question is, which part is not the same ? Our duration of program ? They only had a 6 months preparation but we had a 10 months preparation ? Hahaha. 9 months actually. We had a big number of students, 200 students but they only had 60 students, so M*** doesn't have enough budget to send us oversea ? Are that the things that make us different ?

Okay lah, lets make these things clear. They did a 6 months preparation and took the exams after that 6 months, so did us. We took our exams after 6 months of studying and the other 3 months we used them to play 'happily' at the college. It was just the same like we were preparing for only 6 months. Kan ? And about the big number of students. Mustahillah bajet tak cukup . Of course before they accepted us they will have enough budget. I mean, they already had a specific budget for 200 of us. Takkan tak cukup ? Or should I blame the government for this ? HAHAHAHA.

Yeah, even though we had finished our program, we can still repeat the exam till we pass. Many of us repeated it but then rezeki is not on our side. Ada jugak yang repeat sampai 5 kali, tapi kalau sudah ditakdirkan kita tak lepas, apa boleh buat kan ? Nak repeat lagi ? Boleh. But then you will need a lot of money. Kalau orang senang , aku tak heran ahh. But for those yang biasa-biasa ni ? Sekali repeat USD 187 (lupa ahh berapa tapi lebih kurang laa) and if it is converted to Ringgit Malaysia with the currency nowadays, it can reach to RM700 ++.

Aku tak nak lah salahkan siapa-siapa dalam hal ni. Salah kami juga. Kalau diambil dari sudut positif, mungkin Allah nak tunjuk yang US tuh bukan yang terbaik untuk kami dan Dia dah sediakan tempat yang baik untuk kami locally. It takes time actually untuk redha dengan semua nih tapi InsyaaAllah there will be something better waiting for us in the future, the one who has patience.


More FALSE Hope


After a while I keep this feeling inside me. Sakit hati, marah, kecewa. Tak tahu nak tujukan semua rasa ni kat siapa. Sakitnya penantian tuh, hanya Tuhan yang tahu .
Eighty-nine, just one mark to pass the requirement but then it can't be reconsidered. Okay . Aku redha. Hahahaha. Apa semua ni ? Tiba-tiba je lapan puluh sembilan. Requirement apa pulak ?
Kita-kita je faham. Yang tak faham tuh, boleh pm, tanya. HAHAHA acah ada orang baca

Moh laaa aku cerita sedikit liku-liku yang dihadapi oleh kami, para perayu yang tidak dibela. Sebelum tu, aku minta maaf dulu andai apa yang bakal aku tulis ini akan mengecilkan hati sesiapa, menyakitkan hati, mengguris, melukakan atau apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya.  *aku anggap ada orang baca walaupun pada hakikatnya tidak* Maaf beribu berjuta maaf. Sesungguhnya saya ini hanyalah insan yang mahu meluahkan rasa yang terbuku, terpendam sejak beberapa bulan lamanya. Hehehehe.

Aku mengaku, aku ni takde laa pandai English mana. First TOEFL aku dapat lapan puluh enam, then aku repeat for the second time dan aku dapat lapan puluh sembilan. Wow, improve kan ? But still I don't fulfill the requirement needed to further my study overseas.

I asked one of my lecturer from the program,
"Should I repeat it again?" 
She replied, 
" No need, you don't have much time. We will work on your rayuan "

At that time, I felt relief as they will do something for us, the unfortunate less fortunate person. Many weeks passed , but then a few weeks before the program ended, the lecturer told us that we have to work on our rayuan by ourselves. Faham tak ? At first kata nak tolong , but then asked us to do it ourselves. Just don't know how to explain this situation tapi . Haihhh. Bukan lah nak kata kami ni bergantung sepenuhnya kepada lecturers, tak boleh nak independent but we don't know how to do the rayuan, the process, dengan nak kejar tamat program lagi. Semak tahu tak ? Serabut.  

But it's okay. Dengan berbekalkan semangat nak sambung belajar overseas, we (the less fortunate) worked together on our rayuan till the program ended. Even though the program had ended, we still put a high hope on our rayuan. Kat rumah dok berdoa siang malam supaya Allah bukakan pintu hati majlis tertinggi M*** supaya luluskan rayuan kami. 

One month passed, but then, there was still no news about our rayuan. They remained silent. 
Then what happen ? 

Tunggu laa the next entry. Ngantuk da. HAHAHA. Night ~

Mysterious Island ?


After a while staying at home finally I'm out, having a nice (?), extreme, mysterious trip to an island with my friends. It was a last minutes planning actually because at first we planned just to have a normal hang out, like a normal teenagers at the mall, watching movies, window shopping and stuffs. On the night before the tragedy, I suggested them to have a picnic at Pulau Besar. Well, as we are already at Melaka and we had a limited budgets, I thought having a picnic was a nice thing to be done. Haha.

To be honest my father actually did not allow me to go to that island because it is raining season nowadays. He thought that a trip there will be dangerous. Air laut nanti bergelora, nak drive dalam hujan lagi. Even though my father had warned me to not be there, well sometimes being a stubborn girl, takpekan ?



First time naik feri (?) sama-sama

To go to that island we had to take a ferry, well an island kan. Mana sampai kalau naik kereta. Hahaha. First impression naik feri tuh, wow, asal semua India je nih ? Tapi disebabkan dah sampai, da naik da pun feri tuh takkan nak patah balik kan ? Maka kami pun buat muka selamba sambil berselfie di atas feri tanpa menghiraukan keadaan sekeliling.




After 30 minutes on that ferry, lambat nak mamps feri tuh jalan we arrived at the jetty on that island. First thing that we saw once we touched down was a signboard saying 

LARANGAN MELAKUKAN AMALAN KHURAFAT

On that time, semua dah seram sejuk dah baca signboard tuh tapi cuba untuk berfikiran positif dan meneruskan perjalanan untuk mencari surau memandangkan dah lewat nak solat Zuhur. Jalan sejauh satu kilometer dengan bakul piknik yang berat, habis lencun basah ketiak. Hahaha. Sampai surau, sekali lagi bulu roma meremang. Sebelah surau, makam. Okay, normal lah kalau sebelah surau ada makam tapi berdasarkan apa yang salah seorang kawan aku cerita, makam tu merupakan makam pemujaan. Orang-orang datang makam tuh untuk puja, minta nombor ekor. Well, I am not really sure about that tapi memang menakutkan juga lah. Haha. Menambahkan kemusykilan apabila banyak India berlegar kat kawasan surau tuh . Cuba untuk berfikiran positf sekali lagi, mungkin mereka nak belajar mengenai Islam, saja melawat ke. Kan ? 

#gengloner 


So, we decided to have a picnic near that surau. Senang nanti nak solat, tandas pun dekat. Tak basah sangat sebab tengok air laut macam tak sedap jeh. Haha. Actually what really attracted us was the big stones sebab tempat tuh macam lawa je nak amek gambar. Maka, sesi bergambar pun dimulakan. Penuh memory phone



Batu menarik di persisiran pantai.


Dah puas bergambar, celup-celup kaki sikit, ambil feri pukul 530 petang untuk pulang ke daratan. Sesampainya di jeti, tengok feri dah separuh jalan pergi seberang padahal baru pukul 530. Nak taknak, kena tunggu feri seterusnya, which will come another one and a half hour later. Maka merempatlah kami di jeti sambil berbual-bual mengisi masa lapang. 

Nak dijadikan cerita, kereta boleh rosak bila nak balik. Sepertinya pulau itu tidak membenarkan kami untuk pulang. Hahaha. Seramkan ? Luckily there was a nice, good man trying to help us and the car's problem settled, Before heading back home, we stayed at a stall having our dinner, Semua buka cerita pasal pulau tuh. Seram sejuk dengar sampai serik nak pergi situ lagi. Balik rumah, tidur buka lampu, takut punya pasal, Hahahaha.

Mesti tertanya-tanya kan apa misteri di sebalik pulau tuh ? Haaa, apa lagi google sekarang. 

PULAU BESAR, MELAKA

Don't get shock when you found it. HAHAHAHA.
We learnt our valuable lesson on our trip there. What most important is do listen to your parents' advice and do google before you go to somewhere. Nanti jadi macam kitaorang. By the way, we still enjoyed the trip and we are excited to have another extreme trip next time. Really looking forward to it. Thanks semua :)




Job Hunting


Wow. Looks like I am enjoying my blog right now. This blog is totally mine. MINE. HAHAHAHAHA (evil laughter) Surely there will be no more assignments to be done such as the words list, movies review, novels review and blablabla. At the end, tak guna pun semua benda nih. Okay bukan takde guna, at least a little bit I can improve my English. *clishe nya * Nampak tak ? I did all the assignments because of the carry mark, at last, pointer pun takde. Maybe because of this, tak berkat kut semua yang aku dapat. To be honest, sometimes I just copied all the words  *okay not all*, then I put them in this blog and I never ever ever look at them again. What's the point haa?  It was like I am doing a non-worthy job for myself. Okay, I am the one who doesn't want to grab the chance to learn a lot of new vocabs. Okay, my fault.

Since I have been staying in my home sweet home for almost 2 months now, I feel very boring. Yelah, mana taknya. Hari-hari kau bangun buat kerja yang sama dan ia akan berterusan untuk beberapa bulan lagi, What a life ! So, one day, I decided to look for a job to spend my leisure time. Haha. I look for it with my beloved mom. After having a tour around the city, we stopped by a shop then I saw a " JAWATAN KOSONG" sign in front of it. Me, with my full of enthusiasm, got into the shop and asked for the job vacancy. The owner just took my details and said that he will catch up with me later. Till today, he does not call me for the job. Huh, what a false hope. Setakat nak kemas-kemas kedai tuh, takkan tak nak ambil aku kot ? Hahahaha.

And my journey continued until I found a supermarket also showed the job vacancy sign. Me, once again got into it and asked one of the employers about the vacancy. It was very disappointing when the owner was not available and will be there after lunch. Hahaha. Memang taklah nak datang balik situ. Mak aku busy kot. Maka, impian untuk mendapatkan kerja di supermarket tersebut juga gagal.

On our way home, my mom stopped by a pharmacy to buy some medicine. Of course lah kan. Ada ke orang pergi farmasi nak beli sayur ? Hahahaha. Aku buat lawak nih, gelaklah . Okay. Next to the pharmacy is a clinic. Macam tak strategik jeh kan buat klinik dengan farmasi sebelah menyebelah sebab nanti farmasi tuh yang untung. Kenapa ? Sebab orang sekarang takut nak jumpa doktor.  Hahahaha. Okay, back to the clinic. I saw the "JAWATAN KOSONG DIPERLUKAN SEGERA" glued to the glass door of the clinic. Once again, with a full of enthusiasm, I entered the clinic with hope I will get the job. I asked the front desk about the job vacancy and we talked quiet a lot. Sempat kot mengumpat doktor kat dalam tuh. Then, the doctor called me for the interview. He asked about my details and lastly he asked about my school. Aku jawablah dulu sekolah kat MRSM TGB. Guess what was his respond ?

"Oh, budak MRSM. Kenapa tak sambung belajar ? Takde universiti nak terima awak ke ?"

Pada saat itu, hanya Tuhan yang tahu betapa deep nya soalan tuh. * loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes~* Aku hanya mampu tersenyum, diam kaku seribu bahasa. Nak jawab bukan dia tahu pun pasal program tak diiktiraf aku nih. At last he said,

" Sorry, we don't approved a part timer. We need a full time worker".

 Once again, that broke my heart. Ouch. Dan aku keluar dari klinik itu dengan perasaan hiba dan hampa. During my conversation with the front desk's girl in that clinic, she said that the salary given just RM600 per month and you have to work for 8 hours per day. It is not even worthly la, for me. I told my mom bout that and she said,

"Mana ada orang nak kerja full time dengan gaji RM600 sebulan".

Aku hanya mampu mengiyakan.

Maka hingga ke saat ini, aku masih mereput di rumah layan drama korea, scroll facebook, twitter sampai penat.Hahahaha.

What's Up ?


It has been a while. Almost two months I ended the program. There are a lot of things to be shared , like anybody cares tears, laughter, disappointment and lots more. Since this blog macam lecturers tak tengok lagi kan, maka izinkan patik menggunakan bahasa rojak untuk mengekspresikan segala yang terbuku di hati semenjak beberapa bulan mereput di rumah. Hehe.

I admit it, to see your friends, your classmates enjoying their time at the States do hit me very hard. Memang lah, siapa je tak cemburu bila tengok kawan-kawan yang kau pernah dulu kutip mangga tepi KKTM sama-sama, classmates kau even jarang bertegur dapat naik flight, pergi belajar kat negara orang. Kalau kau kat tempat aku, mesti lah rasa kecewa juga kan ? Namun apakan daya. Kita hanya mampu merancang. Even you are just a step towards that, if HE says no, there is no other things in this world that can deny HIS. But it's okay, I already move on from this even though the truth is sometimes very hurt. *loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes ~*. HAHAHA.

So, to my dearest friends yang dah ada kat States dan bakal ke States this January acah korang nak baca je kan, takpelah, aku anggap korang baca. For those who are already in States and those who will be going there next January, do study very, very, very hard. Just one thing, your sponsorship tuh is our money, so use it wisely. Use the money to buy food, stationery, books not an iPhone or iPad or anything that begins with i. Promise me that kay ? Haha. THAT IS OUR MONEY. And one more thing, do bring our hopes, our dreams, the one who does not have the opportunities to study there along with you. Semoga kita dapat jumpa kat sana, mungkin untuk buat Degree ke Masters ke PhD ke tapi bukan under MARA lah. Haha.

Our prays and thoughts are always with you guys. Thank you for the 9months memories.